The Black Bali Sea

I find myself in Bali.
A tropical paradise. An island teaming with life. An eco system working like mad in crazed but perfect harmony. The cats of Bali are in heat. And the flying bugs here love to eat me. I tell my traveling partner, Mark, it is because I am so sweet.
"I'M not getting bitten!" he declares in his superior,gay voice - a derisive tone to say the least.
"That's because you're so bitter." I reply sweetly. (Mark is always referring to himself as a 'bitter gay man').
He chuckles. "Well, maybe so.."

A petite brown woman with a long pony tail of jet black hair, wearing a Winnie the pooh shirt has just approached me at breakfast.
"Good morning." she says in a beautiful Balinese accent (they roll their r's in a lovely way) "How was your sleep last night?"
I smile back at her wanly,"It was ok..." I say.
She can tell I'm full of it. "You did not sleep well?" she asks, concerned.
"Oh, it's just me. It's not this place....I...I have trouble sleeping." I confess, feeling like a freak. I say this to her as I am sitting in the cafe of a mountain side hotel, perched high above the Bali Sea - a plate of exotic fruit being brought to me before the words have even left my mouth. How could I NOT sleep in a paradise such as this? And as a pot of steaming hot Bali coffee is put before me, it is all I can do not to throw my arms around her and burst into tears.
I want to go home.
I'm tired of tropical paradise and villas and bungalows. I love it here - but I can't sleep.The worms make an assault on my room, and when it's not worms it's roaches or mosquitos. I am so sleepy and tired - I just want to back home and sleep in my own bed. But I don't have one anymore.
No bed. No home.

2 days ago, I was swimming in this black sea at Amed. The Northern coast. You can't put your feet down there. It is very shallow for a long,long way out and the ocean floor is covered with sea urchin and coral. But it is easy to float. I felt like I was light as air, floating effortlessly in black ink. The clouds above me seemed so low. As if I was in a very,very large room. The sky was the ceiling,the mountains and black sand the walls, and on the ocean side - it seemed as though I could see the curve of the earth. It was surreal. I felt like I was in a children's novel. 'Alice in Wonderland'. Or in Narnia. A perfect pace / time to meditate.
"This is my home now." I thought.
"Right in the middle of the black Bali Sea."

I know where I've been, but I don't know where I am going or where I will land. I miss my children and my family and friends. That didn't take long. I am a Taurus - and although I am not entirely into all that astrological stuff, there do seem to be a couple of things that ring true. Taureans love their homes. And I loved mine for over 20 years. After all of my amazing travels and adventures - I always loved coming home. No matter what chaos or mess I was coming home TO - it was home. And I managed to make a pretty damn great one for all of those years. I haven't accomplished much in this life, but I am proud of pulling that off. My home in the Hollywood Hills was just as magical as this place in it's own way. My terraces were also filled with lizards and exotic sounding birds, deer in the back yard instead of monkeys - but I prefer deer in the long run. And it was MINE. My Tara. My earth. MY HOME.

Mark is diving today. He is diving to see a shipwreck very close to here. The sun looks like it may finally appear after a morning of harsh wind and rain, so I suppose I will snorkel. Go look at some pretty fish.
After all, this is my home.
For now.