finally making the first month's rent in NYC

So. I last left off in NYC with a kindly Italian grandfather type giving me food,wine and a job. It was a huge boost. A huge gesture of kindness. It made me feel a little safer, a little warmer.
BUT...it was FAR from being the kind of money i needed to move into an apartment. Even with room mates.

By day, I slept in a little late, snuggling with Chris Earl, and getting more and more frustrated as each day went by that we DIDN'T have sex. I loved him, it seemed like he loved me, and we were kissing and holding each other, and ...that was it. After a while, I started to feel really insecure about the whole situation. I chalked it up to him not being attracted to me - or at least not enough. We still had a great time with Bruce and Eric - listening to music, talking about everything in the world, getting high, going to Katz's deli around the corner...
At the end of the night, Chris and I would climb into his little cubby hole of a bed and he would put his arms around me. When we heard gunshots from the burned out building across the street, he held me , kissed my hair and made me feel safe. Something about that short month (it seemed a lot longer at the time)reminded me of puppies. The way they just romp around all day and fall asleep on top of each other in a pile. We were puppies in this great big city. Just little puppies, keeping each other safe.

The "job" at the Italian restaurant was super fun AND intimidating. I followed one of the waiters around to train - and didn't understand MOST of what he said. Everyone in the place was Italian except for me and the dishwasher. Who spoke only Spanish.In those first days I was there I would make about $10 in tips, and that was it. I was NOT getting any closer to my first rent money.

SO, I went back to the comedy club with my brilliant plan.I put together a Marylin Monroe costume - complete with wig, make up, the whole nine yards. I wasn't sure I could compete with those Broadway bound singers who were belting out a lung, and I had NEVER done stand up comedy - but I figured I had a shot with the tourists who were voting if i could pull off a great costume and do a little of both. So that's what I did.

Gosh, I remember so vividly how scared I was before I went up. I felt more confident about the song - and I started with that. "Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend"...AS Marylin, of course. I flirted with the audience, sat in some old guy's lap, blew kisses...I had Marylin down. They LOVED it. And that energy from the audience - their encouragement and laughter - just propelled me into the stand up bit. I didn't have to do much - and thank goodness. I still think to this day that that was my most terrifying moment.I have such HUGE respect for good stand up comedy people! It's just YOU. YOU wrote this material, YOU are alone up there - there is no director or writer to blame if things go wrong - just a one man show. Or one woman.

I have no idea what I said. I remember saying something about being born in South Africa - that got a laugh, I have no idea why. But the rest is all blanked out.

I won the month. I won a thousand bucks. And that was the money I used to move in with my friend Susanne and her boyfriend. We looked around and the only thing we could afford was a one bedroom (that's right - for 3 people) in Soho that was above a deserted Mexican restaurant with sagging floors.

It was so disgusting. There were mad cockroaches. And mice. And disgusting ,dirty, pea green old carpeting that behaved like jello when you stepped on it. And Su's boyfriend was old and cranky. An out of work actor (aka: waiter), and Su was not a very good friend of mine. She was a dancer from Interlochen who was terribly bulimic which made the bathroom smell like barf all the time. As soon as we all moved in, I started to stay out all night as often as I possibly could.

I missed my cozy puppy lair with Chris and Bruce and Eric to keep me safe. And no matter what crazy adventures I allowed myself to embark upon so that I wouldn't have to go "home" - I still felt safer on the streets than I did in that apartment.