Thursday, March 21, 2013

Rich or Poor...?

Last night,while I was busy NOT sleeping, something occurred to me.
A light bulb moment.
All of a sudden, I thought "Only a 3 months ago, I had tons of cash..."
Then I kept thinking.
I assessed my present state.
"Mmmmmm...." I thought. "I am cozy and happy and warm and overflowing with....."

OK. The thing is - I spent all of this time in Portland, with tons of cash in the bank, in a beautiful, big house, anything MONEY could buy - feeling like a beggar.

That's what I realized last night.
I thought back to the last time I had loads of money, and instantly remebered what a beggar I felt like there and then.
In Portland, I would go into a store and buy something I didn't need or really even want, just so someone would talk to me. Really. That's how bad it was, and if you've been reading my blog, you know it already.
Well, the interesting thing that sort of hit me in the head last night, was that I'm going to sleep every night in a house that I do not own and am not even paying for, and I feel like the richest lady in the kingdom. Here, around family, friends, and even new people that seem to have dropped out of the sky right into my lap - I go to sleep every night feeling loaded UP with love. Stinking RICH with it. I have soooo much love - I am giving it away by the bucket full!

I went into a gas station the other day here and I had to fish out change to pay for my gas. (that's how cash poor I am!)
"Sorry! " I said to the guy behind the counter, smiling and pouring my excess of love and hapiness all over his little store as nickels and dimes spilled out onto the counter.
He looked at me a little confused. The juxtaposition of coins versus the overflowing abundance of joy that was pouring out of my happy face was clearly confusing him.
"Well, that'll only get you about 2 gallons, Ma'am." he said, looking scared as a nervous puppy. (I think he thought that that information would burst my bubble)
I laughed at his uncertainty. "I guess that'll get me home." I said to him, beaming. I was SO full of love and happiness, it would be a CRIME not to own it and share it. "Thanks!" I said, smiling ear to ear - sincerely meaning it.
"Well.... you have a real nice day, now, Ma'am." the man said as he timidly picked up a little of the happiness that I had splashed all over his love-less establishment. "A REAL nice day.."
"It's a GORGEOUS day!" I replied with abandon - tossing my blonde hair and kicking my heel up. I MEANT it. And the subtext - MY subtext - was -" It's GORGEOUS AND IT'S OURS FOR THE TAKING!!!!! YOURS TOO, BUDDY!!!!!"

So. The question staring me in the face was : "Would you rather have plenty of money in the bank and be lonely and loveless (and FEEL like a beggar), or have NO money in the bank, but FEEL rich as a king because of the love that was flooding into and over you?"

The answer for me is clear and simple.

Since I have been here, I have had love given to me by my sister, my brother, my mother, my cousin, her family, friends, new people - it's just been POURING on. I am so grateful I can hardly express it.
Even my baby sister - who is just barely back and a bit fragile - is giving me her love. I am the weathiest human in Texas if love is the standard. I really am. I have so much - if you need some - open your hands and let me pour it on - because I have love to spare. I have happiness in ABUNDANCE! I have a HUGE, motherload of JOY!!!! I really do, just ask me if you need some - because I share everything I have.
How do you want it? If you want money, you can ask for a check or a money order or cash or gold bars or stocks, bonds, etc. - and LOVE? Just ask me. You can have it in back rubs or songs or hugs or smiles or poetry or cake - you just let me know. I am stinking RICH with love. I have plenty to share.

And this question that appeared to me last night - to feel like a beggar with money in the bank, or like a king with none - that was easy for me to answer.
But what about you?
What is YOUR answer?
I would really like to know.