a letter to YOUKNOWWHOYOUARE.

Sometimes people surprise you. Sometimes in really bad ways. I feel like that happens to me a lot. Because i have so much faith in the people i love. And sometimes they REALLY, REALLY let me down. This has been one of those days - one of those months.
And, then again, sometimes it takes years to realize just who REALLY IS there for you. That can be surprising, too.
I don't know why I'm telling you this, except that I want to tell you everything, and I can barely speak to you or communicate with you at all. Circumstance.
It's been a terrible, terrible day. My feelings are hurt so badly by someone I love so much - and it really feels like I've been kicked in the teeth. There is no-one to talk to. My brother is busy with his baby daughter and later his girlfriend....my sister has not been calling me back or writing back - I have no idea why. So for the moment, there is no-one to talk to. No shoulder to lean on.
And, as I was driving back up the hill, the thought rushed into my head that all I need to do is put my head on your chest for twenty minutes (or twenty years would be great) - and everything would be better. It would all dissolve away. The hurt, the frustration, this present feeling of loneliness, the anger (not much of that, but a little)
But not only can I not put my head on your chest - I can't even call you. I can't hear the sound of your voice, or tell you about my day or hear about yours. And I miss you so much - I feel like I'm CRAZY - but I can't fucking help it!
So many questions about this, you. Why? Why now? This timing could NOT be stranger for me. Is it a test? and if it is - of what?
Where do I find those answers? Do you know? Because i sure the hell don't. And the one 'answer' that keeps ringing in my head and body like a mantra is "I don't want to live without this."

WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT!!!!!??????????