tonight in Hollywoood/life and death

it's hard not to think about life and death tonight. today. i got a call that my grandmother, Dona Hilda, went into the hospital for a heart attack today. she is very old. and she has not wanted to be here since her husband passed away.

"passed away". that's an interesting term. i think i like it. they are somewhere else. that's what i believe. not gone - just somewhere else.
tonight was about taking my friends out. my friends from out of town. showing them Hollywood.i love doing that. i do.
but tonight, i have other things on my mind. like - what a brief time we have here. even if we are lucky ,and it's 86 years...it does go by quickly.
and the thing is.. it's not fame that matters, or wealth, or impressing anyone...
i took my friends to the Roosevelt. it's swinging pool/Hollywood vibe. that's where we ended up. and, of COURSE - some guy just HAD to say he invented "legal zoom.com".
i mistook it for the other legal thing - where you pay so much a month in case someone sues you...and he corrected me - mentioning (loudly) that he made 130 million dollars last year.
that's the thing about Hollywood. it's the people. why did he have to say that? who the fuck cares???? is he out to BUY a date with some pretty girls? i don't get it.

My grandparents - they were married for so long. they had a second wedding - which i went to. it was so sweet. the same wedding dress - she was so proud to fit into it still - she told everyone....the whole family was there - and....let's face it - No ONE stays married that long anymore!!!! she told me she never slept in a bed without him since they were married. (after his funeral) that's crazy. in a good way. she kept talking about him.

and tonight - well..i don't know what to say. such fleeting bullshit, really. just guys trying to get laid or get a phone number. girls wearing ANYTHING for attention. it seemed kind of sad.

i want the real thing. i think i deserve it. maybe i didn't always deserve it. but i think i do now. i've been paying attention. and what is worth everything is love.