Sunday, September 9, 2012

Insomnia, continued

As she took her seat in the small concert hall and tried to look normal for her son, she was more than aware that she looked quite the opposite of normal to her very good friend, Kenneth. He knew her so well, she was without any doubt that he could see the entire storm system swirling around inside her - hurricanes, tornadoes and thunderstorms all raging inside of a fairly small skeletal frame covered over by her brighter and brighter pink skin. If anyone in the audience was noticing her, they must have thought she was dying of a fever.
Kenneth leaned down close to her ear before the music began and murmured only, "Hmmmm.."

It was all he needed to say. Incorporated into that tight, quiet little "Hmmm.." was all the sardonic amusement and understanding of a gay man watching his girlfriend fall off an emotional cliff bigger than the Grand canyon right in front of his eyes faster than he could say "Martini, now!"
Kenneth was so amused and intrigued by this unexpected turn of events, in fact, that he quite forgot to peruse the audience in search of young 'talent' before the lights dimmed.
"Damn this one and her drama," Kenneth thought as he tried to look around in the darkness, but could only be aware of the raging storm and heat coming from the blonde woman next to him, "it's always about her! What on EARTH could have happened between these two anyway?" he thought.

As the music started, that was exactly the question racing through his friend's mind - like an actual race. Like the chariot race in 'Ben Hur'. Horses stampeding the thought through her brain and heart unrelentingly. "What on earth COULD have happened between us, anyway?"

When the music started, it took less than a moment for the tears to start streaming down her face. They came along with the most powerful truth that any of us can ever know. The same power of truth that comes when someone we love dies, or when our child is born. There are some things in life that are undeniable. Inescapable. Some emotional truths that are so powerful we are like helpless, raw animals in their wake. She could not have stopped crying for anything in the world. She could not have denied every or any of the feelings and thoughts that were rushing over and through her like tidal waves. She was every bit as helpless to them as if she were in the eye of a tsunami, in fact. And as the music filled her with love, longing and the deepest, sharpest regret she had ever known - she knew with every molecule in her body that she had made the biggest mistake of her life...

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