My Agent Takes Me to Lunch.

When I first got to LA, I started going out on auditions almost right away, and a lot of them were REALLY intimidating. 'The Godfather 3' was one of my first auditions, for example. And 'Backdraft', and lots of big movies up against name actresses. But I also got sent out for those typical sitcoms of the nineties. And whereas I was at least getting call backs and good feedback from the movie auditions - I was NOT getting any of that love from the sitcom world. So my agent, Jeri Scott, took me to lunch.

Jeri (I'm probably spelling her name all wrong) was a very cool woman. She was kind of a typical agent-type, too. She smoked, and had a husky voice. She didn't beat around the bush, either. She gave it to you straight, and gave it straight to you. When she asked me to lunch, I thought I was in trouble.

We went to this steak house around the corner from the agency in Beverly Hills.It was kind of fancy, so I immediately thought that I'd better just get a salad in case we were splitting the bill. Jeri looked at me like I was crazy and sort of barked out, "What's wrong with you? Aren't you hungry?"
I looked up at the super-model looking waiter(who was fawning all over my 40 something year old agent)embarrassed.
"Get me a diet coke and come back in a minute." Jeri said to the waiter, waving him off. "These boys all know I'm an agent. It's ridiculous." she explained.
I looked around, and sure enough, there were at least five gorgeous model-type of boys staring at her. They were practically drooling. I felt super special to be the one that was actually having lunch with her - even if I WAS in trouble.

Jeri looked at me sharply over her menu. "Jesus. You're not on a DIET, are you?"
I didn't know what I was supposed to say to that. Did she think I SHOULD be on one? Was this a trick question? I must have looked scared, because she addressed the issue in a softer tone.
"Look, kid. You are as skinny as a rail. And THIS is a STEAK HOUSE. You eat meat, don't you? Aren't you from Texas?"
"Hmm hmm." I nodded (flattered that she remembered that about me)
"Well, have a STEAK! Don't worry - it's on the company card. Have a steak and a big fat baked potato - you could use it."
"Ok. " I said, HAPPY to oblige. I was starving as usual, and hey - if this was to be my last meal (so to speak), I may as well go out full.
Just then, the waiter came back with her diet coke - he may as well have been bowing and scraping, the way that he was acting around her. It was hilarious.
"You know, take this damn coke away. I don't want that. Let's have a couple of drinks. It's friday, right?" she addressed to me. I nodded to that, to. My agent was going to start thinking I was mute in a minute if I kept nodding like an idiot.

Thankfully those drinks came pretty quickly, and I felt my courage coming back. Jeri was so awfully sweet. If she had to cut me loose, this was a nice way to do it.
"How's your little boy?" she asked.
"He's good. really good."
"Ok, that's good. Now, I have to ask you something important.." (uh oh!)She took a swig of her drink, and looked at me really intensely. "Do you have a TV?"
(Did she just ask me if I have a TV????!!!!) For a minute, it felt like I was an actor that had just stepped into the wrong play - just like those reoccurring dreams I had, or, well - nightmares.
She had to say it again. "DO YOU HAVE A TV? Earth to Jennifer..!"
"ummm....no. I don't have one."
"I didn't think so." Jeri said as the waiter placed our steaks in front of us with a flourish.He flashed a smile at Jeri, and she just waived him off. "Geez, this place is ridiculous, but they do have great steaks. Eat up."
We shared a big smile at the expense of our waiters, and the ice seemed to be broken.

"Look. The thing is, that you're doing great with the big auditions. Everybody loves you - but you can't just expect to beat out Jennifer Jason Leigh, or people like that right away. And you have a kid to support. You need to make some money, right?"
"Right..." I said cautiously.
"SO... sitcoms are the bread and butter of acting. AND they're a great way to sort of break into the whole game. Know what I mean?"
I didn't know anything, but I nodded anyway.
"And you're not doing so hot on the sitcom auditions, ok?"
"Yea..." I said, squirming in my seat. I hated that crap.
"Look, I think you're a really good actress, and there's NO reason why you shouldn't be making some decent money doing some sitcoms - but you just don't get it. They're kind of a style all their own, if you know what I mean. The acting is...different.You just need to watch some on TV, and you'll start booking them in no time. I want you to be able to feed that cute kid of yours!"

At the end of the lunch, Jeri gave me $200, and told me to go buy a TV. "TONIGHT!" she said.
So, I did. She said she'd pay herself back out of my first sitcom money.

After a week of watching sitcoms every night (Max didn't mind too much), I booked my first one. Jeri was so pleased with me. And I was pretty happy about it, too. It was a lot of money. I had had no idea how well these sitcom jobs paid!

It was Mr. Belvedere.
The first of many lovely sitcoms, that are STILL paying me to this day.
And that very first lesson that I was supposed to learn on Mr. Belvedere, well I just wish I had learned it a WHOLE LOT BETTER way back then.